Wyndsong Writes

I watched this TV show last night, Hoarding: Buried Alive, on TLC (The Learning Channel).  It disturbed me greatly, but not because of how messy and cluttered the homes were… but how familiar it all was.  Although my house has never been anywhere near as messy or cluttered as most of the people shown, I know the tendency is there.  And that scares me!

The problem is that I have a hard time getting rid of things.  When I try I have various degrees of panic attacks.  Sometimes I just end up crying, other times I end up having a hard time breathing.  I know in my head that I need to get rid of something… but what if I need it sometime in the future?  What if suddenly I lose all the weight I want to and can fit into those jeans again?  What if I need a candle, that’s blue, and tapered, and smells like lavender???  And I threw it away or gave it away!!

Yes, I know that I can just go out and buy it again.  But I’ll feel bad for wasting money, when I just had whatever it is and got rid of it!  Of course, that only happens occaisionally!   Most of the time, when I actually get rid of something, and in the future I need it and have to buy a new one… I don’t even remember that I had it!  And with all the junk I keep and have no place to put it, I can hardly ever find what I need when I need  it and end up buying it anyway!

I know it’s totally rediculous to hold onto all the clothes that don’t fit me… and yet I still have a closet that’s full of clothes that don’t fit me. I have shoes that are almost as old as the boys that I haven’t worn in almost a decade.  Those could probably go to a thrift store or the trash.  What’s really hard for me to get rid of is little nick nacks and trinkets.  They are so cute and I had a place for them at one time, but in a new house, or a new place of work… there’s no room now.  Maybe they were a gift from someone, and I hate getting rid of gifts, no matter how much I like or hate them.

Slowly but surely, I am getting rid of things.  Books I’m giving to friends, selling/swapping online, or donating.  Same with clothes, shoes, and toys.  It’s very difficult to do, because, like with books… books have so much value to me.  I love books!  I would like to have a huge room just dedicated to all the books I could gather… but I know I don’t NEED all the books I”ve accumulated.  Of course with the books, I’ve got tons of free ones that I’ve received for reviews, so that just increases my collection ten fold.

Luckily Steve is very understanding about all of this.  He’s very patient with me.  He pushes me as far as I can be pushed, and then lets go and consoles me when I need it.  He’s really wonderful about it.  Of course he’s a bit of a collector too… but not nearly as bad as I am.

It doesn’t surprise me that I have the hoarding tendency.  My mother and her mother also had the tendency.  Especially books and crafts supplies.  And then there’s my sister, who also hoards a bit.  It goes along with depression, which we all have as well.  So it all makes sense.  I don’t think either of my boys are hoarders yet, but Jack may have the tendency for it.  He’s got a little bit of OCD at times, and hoarding is associated most closely with that.  So I’m trying to fix my problems now, so that I can help him with his if/when it occurs.

Steve and I did a little bit this weekend in the garage!  We went through some of the boxes in there and got rid of some things and now we have some more room in there to walk around.  The weekend before last, we did some organizing in our room.  We got rid of some things and there isn’t piles of clothes all over the place and boxes.  Now I have to go through my closet and drawers and get rid of more stuff.  Then on to my books… which will be one of the hardest things to do.  But I’ll do it!  I know, from experience, that I’ll be much happier when I have less stuff just piled around, and can see all the things on my shelves.  And when everything has a place, I’m much happier!  So that’s what I’m doing, just one little bit at a time.

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